Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Anxiety Attacks and Jedi

I am double posting today, I know this seems excessive, but I really felt the need to share this.

So today after I got back to my dorm from my daily activities I had one of the worst anxiety attacks I think I've ever had. It was so bad in fact that by the end of it from my ears all the way to the top of my stomach was completely red and itchy for about an hour afterwards. Having an anxiety attack for me is always something like feeling my heart speed up like it's a cheetah and then feeling it leap into my throat and refusing to go back where it belongs. I usually start to feel very uncertain about everything in my life from who cares about me, to if I'll do well in school/work and even if I'll ever feel happy again. Of course once I calm down this all subsides and I realize how ludicrous those thoughts were.
When I started having this panic attack I kept trying not to cry, I didn't want anyone to see me freak out and I knew it was going to happen. I ended up sitting in my room on my bed rocking back and forth having no idea what to do with myself, thinking that the world was ending. What got me over it was I got up to pace and stumbled pressing the button on my "The Sounds of Star Wars" book and hearing Princess Leia say "Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope." This made me stop because I thought "Shut up Leia, he can't help you just because he's a Jedi." And then I stopped again, and thought "Good lord that was pessimistic of me."
I then started thinking about how cool it would to be a Jedi and to always be emotionally calm and use the force and be a hero. I then also started thinking well I don't need to be a Jedi to be emotionally calm. Part of the Jedi Code (Yes I'm a nerd, shut up, it's fun stuff to read) states "There is no emotion, there is peace." I started thinking on this, what it really meant in a literary sense. The conclusion I arrived at was it means that all of the upset and strife you feel only makes way for peace and you shouldn't let the negative emotions bother you. I also then thought of another part of the code that states "There is no chaos, there is harmony," which just means to not let the chaos block your path to feeling inner harmony.
I've always been a Star Wars fan girl but I was really shocked it somehow made my anxiety attack subside. So I'd like to take a moment to say thank you Star Wars for keeping my Darkside at bay for a while with your inspirational words of wisdom. Because as most people know there is a lot of fear when an anxiety attack is involved and fear is a path to the Darkside.

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